Must I Always Be The Hero, And You The Damsel In Distress?

That isn't the sun. That's me exploding in the distance.

Lately I've been slowly coming back to a conclusion that I drew about people some time ago: I really dislike them. Hate them, even. People in general just really grind my gears, sometimes. It's sort of a love/hate relationship that I have with people that I'm around. People whom I hold very near and dear to me, who end up either fucking me over or just disappointing me in the end. People who I stick my neck out for, who simply just can't stop themselves from slitting it, because they just had to make a foolish choice. People who I really want to help, but I can't because they can't even help themselves.

I'm trying to avoid sounding like a hypocritical bastard here, because I realize nobody is perfect, including me. It's just stupid shit that people pull all the time, and then claim it's not their fault, or that they're trying to fix themselves that somehow makes everything they do better. People who whine and complain about how much their life sucks, or how things never work out their way, or how they end up in shitty situations all the time, when the root of their troubles comes entirely from themselves. People who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and come to terms with the fact that life isn't going to hand them a "get out of jail free" card every time they make a stupid decision. Normally I let stuff like this simply idle by and not get the best of me, but when I happen to have a fantastic night, then have someone whom I really care for come around and worry the hell out of me over something that might happen due to poor decision making, I start to wonder.

I wonder not only about others around me, but myself. I question whether or not I simply expect way too much from people, and that I just need to let things go, or if I expect too much from myself, and that I'm just a glutton for punishment due to the fact that I set the stage for these waves of emotion to happen to me. And once again, after reading all of this, I start to question whether or not I over-think things too much. It's a vicious cycle that I'm prone to finding a way back into no matter how hard I try to avoid it. I guess I just consider morals to be more important than most of the other trifles that people hold onto so dearly...A complicated little thing, I am. What ever will I do with myself?

I'm fending off my hostility here. I truly care about these individuals, and I wish no harm upon them, but I just find it frustrating that they keep walking the same path to self-destruction every time they venture out, and they're unwilling to try new ground because they can't handle the responsibility. I try with every ounce of my being to help them find a new way, but it's always the same result. I'll continue to strengthen my efforts, as well as theirs, in hopes that someday they'll be able to find peace within themselves. Who knows if all my sacrifices will end up in vain or not, but these individuals mean a great deal, and no matter how low they find themselves, I'll do my best to lift them back on their feet. And if I can't find a way to help them? Then I suppose it's not my place to help them, after all.

I guess I just need to learn to stop being everyone's personal Superman. I don't think it's good for me. I do it anyways though. As I said, complicated. Good thing I blog about this stuff though. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel half as good as I do now, had I not talked about it. Thanks, loyal viewers, for putting up with my cynical, eccentric, -on occasion- apathetic ass on a normal basis. You make this blog worth writing. I take back what I said. I love people. Or at least I love you guys. You've never wronged me, at least.

Tomorrow is another day, as they say, so I'll be anxious to see what it has in store for me. Will I have to don my cape once again, or can I simply be happy with being normal ol' me, and not have to worry about others? Only time will tell. Good night, my fellow night-owls, and until next time.